And yeah, and if anyone DOES read this (which someone must, or else joe wouldn't have posted on his xanga about my reasons to hate him) I have started a xanga. littlewhitewolf.  ¶ 7:40 PM

  Hmm wo xianzai lei si le. watashi wa totemo tsukarete imasu. estoy my cansado. je suis fatigue maintenant. I wish I could just go to sleep. But I can't. I really really should do my french homework. But it's really not that important. I might be going to Spain. Yay.

It's fun TAing spanish one. Especially when they make mistakes. I corrected their crap today. We're having like olympic games and such. They had to look at a page in the book for a few seconds and then write down as many words as they can remember. It's funny how many made up words were on their lists.   ¶ 10:48 AM

  OKay, ignore that all. I am no longer depressed. But I AM tired. I talked to Harry today. He's interesting. I also talked to John Chandler today. He's something. I am very tired. And Mr. Trujillo was not in school today. I have made about 3 christmas cards. I have at least 20 to go. Why do i hve to be so thoughtful and considerate? I dont' know. It's a mystery not even Jesus could figure out. Oh wait a minute, we're reading the gospel in English. Jesus didn't solve mysteries, he was just an angry man with magical powers who liked rubbing it in to the government that he was better. And he wonders why he was betrayed denied and killed. Meanwhile he's so smart he couldn't figure out that angering the pharisees might not ahve been the best way to go about things. Then again, despite his being a complete asshole, the world has practically converted to Christianity. I wish the US was more like China or Japan. There really is no religion there. I mean technically Shinto in japan and Buddhism and Taoism in China, but really no. AAAAAAAAAnd, they're all so much better at math, so maybe I'd be doing good in AP calc right now. Oh yes, and then I'd be fluent in either Chinese or Japanese and then in speaking english I'd have a kick ass accent. Oh wait a minute. I just talked about what it would be like to live in China or japan. I was supposed to talk about what the US would be like if it were more like China or japan. oops! bushi wode cuole!

Oh, and someone who is DEFINETLY not Ms lu wanted me to spread the word that Chinese is easier and more fun than Japanese! (and it's true, and quite possibly easier than Spanish and French and latin, since there are no conjugations in Chinese and in Japanese the only conjugations indicate tense, not subject/pronoun. Oh, and I TA Spanish 1, and let me tell you that Chinese 1 is SOOOO much more advanced. Spanish is just now learning how to conjugate AR verbs in addition to being able to tell how old someone is, and what they are wearing. Chinese 1 can talk about their family, say what they do and don't like, name many classroom objects and ask whose they are, talk about pets, what they like to eat, what they do or don't have, what they want and tell the time AND the date. I think Chinese just won. ) (oh, and I odn't know about french 1, all i know is that with jedi sensei it sucks, and she teaches them wrong things and I don't know about ruiz, I guess he's okay. And i don't know about latin,but come ON< you know you all wanna switch to Chinese!!!! (and japanese if there was a better teacher, but there just isn't)  ¶ 9:57 PM

  Oh and the word is in: My dad is a fucking bastard and is officially dead to me. For those of you that can guess why, I love you all. For those of you that can't, you're all dead to me as well. And my mom isn't dead to me yet, but she's very very close. What is the point of making me talk to my dad when he even told her before hand that he would say "no" no matter what? She said so maybe things would be better in the future. Do I give a fucking flying fuck about the future? Hell no. I live my life in the present and I dont give a damn baout the future, because I know it is uncertain. Just for that, I am in no way going to study biology in college. I am sticking to my French and nothing is going to change that. My mom came up here thinking that she could make me feel better. yeah right. I sent her on her way. I don't want to see either of them again, nor do I want them to touch me, speak to me, even think about me, because that's just the way it's going to be until I graduate from college, and once I do, They are out of my life. I don't care what happens to them. I will take a page out of my maternal aunt and uncle and never return to this house until one of them dies. And even then, I'm leaving right after. I don't care if I sound like a horrible person. I've had more shit to deal with than most people do and I'm surprised I haven't killed myself already. But if I did, I'd just be giving my parents and all those who hate me what they want. THose fucking bastards. I'm going to stick it out so that I can waste my parents money on a career that will get me no where, and when they don't have enough money to pay for their own house, i will not support them, nor will I send them to a recital home, nor will I hold a funeral. Nor will I have children. This twisted family must end with me.   ¶ 6:58 PM

  Okay, so I checked today, and Joe's last pst is gone now. Oh well.  ¶ 6:45 PM

  Oh, and we learned yesterday exactly why 13 is an unlucky number. It's cause of the whole Judas betraying Jesus thing, since 12 apostles + Jesus= 13 people. And blah blah blah in a crowd of 13, one will betray you. Which again makes no sense, cause depending on the company you keep, you could be in a crowd of two and still have that other person betray you, or if you're in a crowd of 13, it's much more likely that more than one person will betray you. Oh, and becasue thirteen is unlucky, it is also the number of knots tied into a noose. I think that's awesome.  ¶ 7:21 PM

  Oh, and since Joe's memory is probably as distorted as his ability to differentiate between reality and fiction, I think it fair to say that all of the previous, except for 4, 6, 9, 10 and maybe 12, since 12 has yet to happen but will, took place his freshman year at school.   ¶ 7:16 PM

  Don't you hate it when annoying and irritating people try to be funny? I sure do. Yep, you guessed it, I'm talking about Joe Siegel, the Jew that nobody likes! (and everyone loves jewish people, so that's an accomplishment) I'm probably going to hell just for saying that, (if the Jewish even believe in hell, since i never for the cult/trap/evil that is organized religion) since his father is apparently a rabbi. Why is it that it's the kids of religious figures that are always the biggest assholes? I don't know. But rest assured it's true. Let me give some quick reasons why I don't like Joe:

1. He told me to shutup when i was talking to Lili about something that completely did not even concern him and he wasn't even a part of the damn conversation, and Lili was actually laughing along with what i was saying (oh, yes, and this was the first time we'd ever been in the same room together, but somehow he already had it in for me)

2. When he found out that my friend Elizabeth got hit by a car going like 30-40 miles an hour, he sought her out so he could laugh at her and make fun of her, even though he didn't know her, and she couldn't walk right for like a month.

3. When he lied and told everyone he knew that I threatened to kill him when really all i said was why do you keep giving me bad looks, although that did not turn out as bad as he hoped, since i printed out our conversation cause I knew he was a bastard and showed it to everyone I could find.

4. How it's somehow his business who i do and don't talk to.

5. How he didn't have enough balls to confront me untiil all of his friends were around.

6. How he's an asshole to all of my friends.

7. How he tried extra hard to get people to stop talking to me.

8. How that actually worked to some extent.

9. How he's probably scared of me anyway, so he really shouldn't be gonig out of his way to tick me off if he thinks I'm so creepy.

10. How he thought he'd be able to write about me on his xanga and not have me put something up about how lame he is. (xanga.com/flojoe2333)

11. How he actually used to have some really lame phrase in Spanish on his profile and actually used the word "yo" (anyone who actually knows anything about Spanish would know that yo is one of the words you almost never have to use, especially at the beg. of a sentence [by the way, the sentence was "yo tengo un gato grande en mis pantalones])

12. How if he read this, he'd just use it to spread more shit about me and try to convince more people why they should not talk to me.

13. How he called me a mindless drone, and said I had to see a psychiatrist in the same sentence (It makes no sense, because a psychiatrist tries to figure out what's wrong with the mind, and if i am mindless, then why would I go see a psychiatrist? Inversely, if I were to go see a psychiatrist, then I would not be mindless, so he should shut the hell up if he can't even come up with a good enough insult.)
And that's about all i can think of right now... Hey! That's exactly 13! Which is actually my favorite number!  ¶ 7:13 PM

  Why oh why did I have to go to school today? If I live through the weekend it will be a miracle. Not that anyone would care if i didn't. my parents think I'm just mad given our current circumstances, but the truth is they've lost me since 8th grade, when they decided to look through my mail and decide not to send me back to choir without telling me. I don't know how stupid they thought I was, but did they really think that I would just not notice that something that I was a part of for the last 5 years of my life was no longer a part of it? My mom said this morning "oh i told you, we didin't send you back because we didin't lke the politics." That was just the more convinient excuse. First it was the money. Then i pointed out I could pay for it myself. Then it was the time it took to drive me to and from rehearsals. Then i pointed out I could get there on my own. Then they said i didn't get good grades. Then i pointed out I got all As and bs, and mostly As anyway. So they had to come up with something. And even if they didn't like the politics, is that an excuse for coming to only 1 concert in the two years I was in concert choir? I don't think so. The only reason they sent me to colorado that year was because they felt guilty because they knew they were not going to send me back after that. I hate them so much. I was like a zombie at school today. It was all I could do sometimes to not cry. In fact I cried all the way to school. UNtil I fell asleep that is. When I got there, I was late to Chinese, where everyone was surprised but automatically knew something was wrong. Crystal figured out why, but I mean what could she do about it? She tickled me. I hate being tickled. I didn't try at all in chorus today. Too depresed to raise my eyebrows. I sat there and did nothing in Earth science. IN lunch I was a little happier, and most didin't notice anything wrong with me. I don't think anyone noticed anything after 5th period. Although Ms lu was really worried about me.

It makes me sad that ms Lu is probably more proud of me than my parents are. But then again, I'm not a disappointment to her, I'm a prodigy. And that feels damn good. I dont' know what I'll do once I go to college. I think I'll have to go visit her every day just to stay sane. God, why wasn't I given up for adoption when i was a kid? Then maybe I would get parents who appreciate me. But anyway, she was worried. She asked me if i was okay after school. When i got home, my parents didn't care. They told me to do chores, even though I was depressed. I went to sleep. When i woke up it was thing after thing to do as if they didn't even notice anything was wrong. And of course my dad was ignoring me the whole time. My mom yelled at me insteaad of being concerned for me. They don't care about me. They only pretend to so that when i get older i'll support them. Well I won't. I'll leave them to get old and rot just like they left me unhappy for 17 years.

If only i was a stillborn...  ¶ 7:25 PM

  today was not a very fun day. I had to go and put on a phony smile and act cheery for college representatives when i had been crying all the way there and would have much rathered to have been at school working on my kimono. I hate my parents. Mostly my dad. In fact, I wrote a speech for Chinese (I have to write one a week now, since I'm advanced) and it was about not liking my dad. I might post it up here later, but unfortunately it will be in Chinese. So too bad if you don't speak Chinese. Oh, and i missed seminar selections today because i was not in school. I could just curl up and die. And it makes me sad that kitty understands me more than my parents do.   ¶ 8:27 PM