Welcome to my madness...

2003-12-14T19:40:00.000-08:00

And yeah, and if anyone DOES read this (which someone must, or else joe wouldn't have posted on his xanga about my reasons to hate him) I have started a xanga. littlewhitewolf.

2003-12-09T10:48:00.000-08:00

Hmm wo xianzai lei si le. watashi wa totemo tsukarete imasu. estoy my cansado. je suis fatigue maintenant. I wish I could just go to sleep. But I can't. I really really should do my french homework. But it's really not that important. I might be going to Spain. Yay.

It's fun TAing spanish one. Especially when they make mistakes. I corrected their crap today. We're having like olympic games and such. They had to look at a page in the book for a few seconds and then write down as many words as they can remember. It's funny how many made up words were on their lists.

2003-12-08T21:57:00.000-08:00

OKay, ignore that all. I am no longer depressed. But I AM tired. I talked to Harry today. He's interesting. I also talked to John Chandler today. He's something. I am very tired. And Mr. Trujillo was not in school today. I have made about 3 christmas cards. I have at least 20 to go. Why do i hve to be so thoughtful and considerate? I dont' know. It's a mystery not even Jesus could figure out. Oh wait a minute, we're reading the gospel in English. Jesus didn't solve mysteries, he was just an angry man with magical powers who liked rubbing it in to the government that he was better. And he wonders why he was betrayed denied and killed. Meanwhile he's so smart he couldn't figure out that angering the pharisees might not ahve been the best way to go about things. Then again, despite his being a complete asshole, the world has practically converted to Christianity. I wish the US was more like China or Japan. There really is no religion there. I mean technically Shinto in japan and Buddhism and Taoism in China, but really no. AAAAAAAAAnd, they're all so much better at math, so maybe I'd be doing good in AP calc right now. Oh yes, and then I'd be fluent in either Chinese or Japanese and then in speaking english I'd have a kick ass accent. Oh wait a minute. I just talked about what it would be like to live in China or japan. I was supposed to talk about what the US would be like if it were more like China or japan. oops! bushi wode cuole!

Oh, and someone who is DEFINETLY not Ms lu wanted me to spread the word that Chinese is easier and more fun than Japanese! (and it's true, and quite possibly easier than Spanish and French and latin, since there are no conjugations in Chinese and in Japanese the only conjugations indicate tense, not subject/pronoun. Oh, and I TA Spanish 1, and let me tell you that Chinese 1 is SOOOO much more advanced. Spanish is just now learning how to conjugate AR verbs in addition to being able to tell how old someone is, and what they are wearing. Chinese 1 can talk about their family, say what they do and don't like, name many classroom objects and ask whose they are, talk about pets, what they like to eat, what they do or don't have, what they want and tell the time AND the date. I think Chinese just won. ) (oh, and I odn't know about french 1, all i know is that with jedi sensei it sucks, and she teaches them wrong things and I don't know about ruiz, I guess he's okay. And i don't know about latin,but come ON< you know you all wanna switch to Chinese!!!! (and japanese if there was a better teacher, but there just isn't)

2003-12-07T18:58:00.000-08:00

Oh and the word is in: My dad is a fucking bastard and is officially dead to me. For those of you that can guess why, I love you all. For those of you that can't, you're all dead to me as well. And my mom isn't dead to me yet, but she's very very close. What is the point of making me talk to my dad when he even told her before hand that he would say "no" no matter what? She said so maybe things would be better in the future. Do I give a fucking flying fuck about the future? Hell no. I live my life in the present and I dont give a damn baout the future, because I know it is uncertain. Just for that, I am in no way going to study biology in college. I am sticking to my French and nothing is going to change that. My mom came up here thinking that she could make me feel better. yeah right. I sent her on her way. I don't want to see either of them again, nor do I want them to touch me, speak to me, even think about me, because that's just the way it's going to be until I graduate from college, and once I do, They are out of my life. I don't care what happens to them. I will take a page out of my maternal aunt and uncle and never return to this house until one of them dies. And even then, I'm leaving right after. I don't care if I sound like a horrible person. I've had more shit to deal with than most people do and I'm surprised I haven't killed myself already. But if I did, I'd just be giving my parents and all those who hate me what they want. THose fucking bastards. I'm going to stick it out so that I can waste my parents money on a career that will get me no where, and when they don't have enough money to pay for their own house, i will not support them, nor will I send them to a recital home, nor will I hold a funeral. Nor will I have children. This twisted family must end with me.

2003-12-07T18:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I checked today, and Joe's last pst is gone now. Oh well.

2003-12-06T19:21:00.000-08:00

Oh, and we learned yesterday exactly why 13 is an unlucky number. It's cause of the whole Judas betraying Jesus thing, since 12 apostles + Jesus= 13 people. And blah blah blah in a crowd of 13, one will betray you. Which again makes no sense, cause depending on the company you keep, you could be in a crowd of two and still have that other person betray you, or if you're in a crowd of 13, it's much more likely that more than one person will betray you. Oh, and becasue thirteen is unlucky, it is also the number of knots tied into a noose. I think that's awesome.

2003-12-06T19:16:00.000-08:00

Oh, and since Joe's memory is probably as distorted as his ability to differentiate between reality and fiction, I think it fair to say that all of the previous, except for 4, 6, 9, 10 and maybe 12, since 12 has yet to happen but will, took place his freshman year at school.

2003-12-06T19:13:00.000-08:00

Don't you hate it when annoying and irritating people try to be funny? I sure do. Yep, you guessed it, I'm talking about Joe Siegel, the Jew that nobody likes! (and everyone loves jewish people, so that's an accomplishment) I'm probably going to hell just for saying that, (if the Jewish even believe in hell, since i never for the cult/trap/evil that is organized religion) since his father is apparently a rabbi. Why is it that it's the kids of religious figures that are always the biggest assholes? I don't know. But rest assured it's true. Let me give some quick reasons why I don't like Joe:

1. He told me to shutup when i was talking to Lili about something that completely did not even concern him and he wasn't even a part of the damn conversation, and Lili was actually laughing along with what i was saying (oh, yes, and this was the first time we'd ever been in the same room together, but somehow he already had it in for me)

2. When he found out that my friend Elizabeth got hit by a car going like 30-40 miles an hour, he sought her out so he could laugh at her and make fun of her, even though he didn't know her, and she couldn't walk right for like a month.

3. When he lied and told everyone he knew that I threatened to kill him when really all i said was why do you keep giving me bad looks, although that did not turn out as bad as he hoped, since i printed out our conversation cause I knew he was a bastard and showed it to everyone I could find.

4. How it's somehow his business who i do and don't talk to.

5. How he didn't have enough balls to confront me untiil all of his friends were around.

6. How he's an asshole to all of my friends.

7. How he tried extra hard to get people to stop talking to me.

8. How that actually worked to some extent.

9. How he's probably scared of me anyway, so he really shouldn't be gonig out of his way to tick me off if he thinks I'm so creepy.

10. How he thought he'd be able to write about me on his xanga and not have me put something up about how lame he is. (xanga.com/flojoe2333)

11. How he actually used to have some really lame phrase in Spanish on his profile and actually used the word "yo" (anyone who actually knows anything about Spanish would know that yo is one of the words you almost never have to use, especially at the beg. of a sentence [by the way, the sentence was "yo tengo un gato grande en mis pantalones])

12. How if he read this, he'd just use it to spread more shit about me and try to convince more people why they should not talk to me.

13. How he called me a mindless drone, and said I had to see a psychiatrist in the same sentence (It makes no sense, because a psychiatrist tries to figure out what's wrong with the mind, and if i am mindless, then why would I go see a psychiatrist? Inversely, if I were to go see a psychiatrist, then I would not be mindless, so he should shut the hell up if he can't even come up with a good enough insult.)
And that's about all i can think of right now... Hey! That's exactly 13! Which is actually my favorite number!

2003-12-05T19:25:00.000-08:00

Why oh why did I have to go to school today? If I live through the weekend it will be a miracle. Not that anyone would care if i didn't. my parents think I'm just mad given our current circumstances, but the truth is they've lost me since 8th grade, when they decided to look through my mail and decide not to send me back to choir without telling me. I don't know how stupid they thought I was, but did they really think that I would just not notice that something that I was a part of for the last 5 years of my life was no longer a part of it? My mom said this morning "oh i told you, we didin't send you back because we didin't lke the politics." That was just the more convinient excuse. First it was the money. Then i pointed out I could pay for it myself. Then it was the time it took to drive me to and from rehearsals. Then i pointed out I could get there on my own. Then they said i didn't get good grades. Then i pointed out I got all As and bs, and mostly As anyway. So they had to come up with something. And even if they didn't like the politics, is that an excuse for coming to only 1 concert in the two years I was in concert choir? I don't think so. The only reason they sent me to colorado that year was because they felt guilty because they knew they were not going to send me back after that. I hate them so much. I was like a zombie at school today. It was all I could do sometimes to not cry. In fact I cried all the way to school. UNtil I fell asleep that is. When I got there, I was late to Chinese, where everyone was surprised but automatically knew something was wrong. Crystal figured out why, but I mean what could she do about it? She tickled me. I hate being tickled. I didn't try at all in chorus today. Too depresed to raise my eyebrows. I sat there and did nothing in Earth science. IN lunch I was a little happier, and most didin't notice anything wrong with me. I don't think anyone noticed anything after 5th period. Although Ms lu was really worried about me.

It makes me sad that ms Lu is probably more proud of me than my parents are. But then again, I'm not a disappointment to her, I'm a prodigy. And that feels damn good. I dont' know what I'll do once I go to college. I think I'll have to go visit her every day just to stay sane. God, why wasn't I given up for adoption when i was a kid? Then maybe I would get parents who appreciate me. But anyway, she was worried. She asked me if i was okay after school. When i got home, my parents didn't care. They told me to do chores, even though I was depressed. I went to sleep. When i woke up it was thing after thing to do as if they didn't even notice anything was wrong. And of course my dad was ignoring me the whole time. My mom yelled at me insteaad of being concerned for me. They don't care about me. They only pretend to so that when i get older i'll support them. Well I won't. I'll leave them to get old and rot just like they left me unhappy for 17 years.

If only i was a stillborn...

2003-12-04T20:27:00.000-08:00

today was not a very fun day. I had to go and put on a phony smile and act cheery for college representatives when i had been crying all the way there and would have much rathered to have been at school working on my kimono. I hate my parents. Mostly my dad. In fact, I wrote a speech for Chinese (I have to write one a week now, since I'm advanced) and it was about not liking my dad. I might post it up here later, but unfortunately it will be in Chinese. So too bad if you don't speak Chinese. Oh, and i missed seminar selections today because i was not in school. I could just curl up and die. And it makes me sad that kitty understands me more than my parents do.

2003-12-03T20:13:00.000-08:00

And on friday I will have to make sure I tell Corinne how much i appreciate her. I read her xanga, and it made me sad. She talked about how when she's with her friends (the ones from lunch, althogh i assume she means not during lunch) she feels like a third wheel. But when she's not with them she feels like a snob, as if they look at her and wonder why she's not with them.

I'm sinking further and further into depression.

2003-12-03T20:11:00.000-08:00

Oh, and John Chandler talked to me again. He said that it was his friend that was being as asshole on his screenname and he is sorry. I'm wondering if he's not sorry because I hurt him with my clarinet. I know it sounds lame that i would carry a Clarinet and then hit someone with it. But John says I tore some of the ligament in his arm when i hit him. Let's see a fist do that. I suppose i am sorry for hitting John if he indeed is innocent. But I am too depressed to decide right now.

2003-12-03T20:05:00.000-08:00

I hear my dad yelling downstairs. Something to look forward to.

2003-12-03T19:30:00.000-08:00

Oh, and apparently watching Becker is more important to my father than listening to me pour my heart out about something very important to me.

2003-12-03T19:29:00.000-08:00

Today, I went to badminton club. I am so bad that I could just cry my eyes out. It seems as if the whole world knows how to play, but somehow I don't. I complained about it to ms lu when she came out into the hallway, and she said, oh let me show you and hit it like perfectly a few times, then i said what? how do you know hw to do that? and she goes even babies know how to play. Fun fun fun.

2003-12-03T19:27:00.000-08:00

I wanted to make another one liner, but much more depressing. I will but later. I was xanga surfing. John's says something about that people who don't like him shouldn't say anything or else he'd pull a knife on their throats. He's so lame it makes me cry. I don't think he'd ever hold a knife. He wouldn't want to risk tearing or cutting up those mittens of his with the pink kitty on them... oh, and it reinforces what angelica told me about no one liking him. It makes sense to me. Usually I would feel bad. But I don't.

I hit him with my clarinet case yesterday. He deserved it. But it didn't really hurt until after school. I came up behind him while he was taling and swung at his arm. He whined like a little bitch. I walked away as if everything was normal and as if I hadn't even seen him. Then I went to ms lu's shufa (calligraphy) club. It was decently fun. Writing with Chinese maobi's (brushes) is so fun. Even the task of making the ink yourself by grinding a stone for 10 minutes is amusing, and I didin't mind the grueling manual labor required. I got Ms lu to write the character for death in cursive. It's such a pretty character. I kept it and plan to put it up in my room. She didn't want me to keep it, so i ahd to take it out of the garbage pile when she wasn't looking.

2003-12-01T20:30:00.000-08:00

oh, and now that bitch john is threatening me. People don't think I'm crazy for no reason...

2003-12-01T19:56:00.000-08:00

oh and that british idiot john chandler is upsetting me. I might just have to kill him.

2003-12-01T19:53:00.000-08:00

oh, and at 918 this evening, Marc Guzetta imed me to tell me that Constantine visited today. 5th period. I've never been happier to have 4th period. Then again, it's been so long that I really don't care anymore.

2003-12-01T19:40:00.000-08:00

I looked in the mirror about an hour ago. Wrinkles are forming in my forehead. Damn mr. weaver making us lift our eyebrows all the time when we sing. eh, it's probably not even that at all. It's robably all the depressing shit that happens and all the unhappy times i have...

2003-11-30T19:29:00.000-08:00

I read Borty's blog just now. He says hiccups are the most repulsive bodily function and he hates them. I disagree. Well, not with the fact that he hates them, but that they are the most repulsive. In my opinion, I would say that the most repulsive function would be the process of vomiting, whether self induced or not. I mean, come on now. Not only does acid and masticated food come up out of your mouth, but it forces your body into this weird kind of arc, as if you were possesed in the first place. And then the acid ruining your esophagus. Oh yes, and then sometimes the food and acid comes up your nose as well. Then when you breathe in it hurts and pieces of food move up and down in your nose, and it takes forever to blow it all out. that's not much fun either. Oh yeah, and I love it how you can never stop vomiting, and the smell of other people's vomit is enough to make you vomit. Yes, I would say vomiting is probably the most repulsive of all bodily functions...

2003-11-30T15:07:00.000-08:00

ah...wo xianzai hen lei! wo yao shuijiao, danshi, wo dei zuo wode gongke. watashi wa tsukarete imasu. demo, shukudai o shimasu. je suis tres fatigue maintenant. Je veux dormir, mais je dois faire mes devoirs. Soy muy cansado ahora. Quiero dormir, pero tengo que hacer mi tarea.

2003-11-29T20:28:00.000-08:00

oh, and so the link no work cause I hate blogger and it senses my anger. Here. Copy and paste.

aestheticsense.cjb.net

2003-11-29T20:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, so today i check my email, and what do ya know? an email from aesthetic sense. Says thanks. I"m trying to decide whether or not it's cause i called them bastards or not... Oh well, I take it back. Better late than never, and it's not like it was a matter of life or death. Oh well. it's not like I was serious about them being bastards earlier anyway.

I just came back from seeing gothika. and let me say it had so many plot holes that I could have fallen into any of them, and it wouldn't have mattered cause right under that one would have been the next one, and then the next one. and I will now stop talking.

today was a horrible day up until them. School in two days. yay.

2003-11-29T11:21:00.000-08:00

And the word is in (or is it out?): Unless I pick a new career choice, my parents (reallly my dad) will NOT pay for my college tuition at all. And even if I do, I'll probably end up going to UIC anyway, which sure, if i wanted to be a brain surgeon, I probably wouldn't mind as much as I do right now, but then again, it's not really known for its reknowned foreign language department, is it?

Parents just don't get it.

2003-11-28T20:27:00.000-08:00

Finally I have 2 (count 'em, TWO) readers! I'd like to send a shout-out to Teresa and Guzy, who have made my day. :-)

Damn those aesthetic sense bastards!!!!!!!!!

So their site had no pics at all on it, despite a very active link saying "pics" with a pic of Alex in the back. So, I sent them the pictures I had taken of them during the run of the school play. And I mean, I like to think I'm realistic [as i watch the purple elephants and unicorns fly by my window] so it's not like I expected them to credit the photos to me, or anything, but at least you would expect an email back saying thank you, or something?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
But, eh, I love them anyway (although not in the same way mr. murphy loves haagen-daas). Me and teresa were talking about it. I figure Alex probably opened the email the other day when he was online but away. Cause he never really responds to my emails anyway, so naturally he wouldn't in this case. Which i guess is rude, but if you consider the fact that he never replis, it's not too bad. However, if it was any of the other four, then it's just damn rude. But then again, Ian and I have some past problems. And Ryan never liked me to begin with, i do'nt think, I could be wrong. Eh, whatever, I shouldn't analyze things. The voices in my head tell me so.

Here's the link to their site:

2003-11-27T20:27:00.000-08:00

I discovered something funny. I can't even view this site becasue of all of the swear words I just put on there. And yet I can edit ifrom this site. It really makes no sense. Damn AOL parental blocking...

2003-11-27T20:24:00.000-08:00

I'll come back to that later. I'm tired. My neck hurts. My back is sore. I'm going back to my original hypothesis that complaints are only effective if dealt in threes. You can always find at least three things that are wrong with a person at any given time. But if you find a fourth, I suggest you keep it quiet until you can find a fifth and a sixth to go with it. Cause if you don't, the whole premise is wasted.

Well, I woke up this morning very very early to the sound of my dad screaming. Screaming in spanish it was something along these lines: "maldito! No vale nada esa mierda que tengo, tengo mierda como hijo!" I tried to ignore it at first. Then I tried to guess who he might be talking to, as my mom was asleep. Then she woke up andwalked to the bathroom. He said "He's worthless, that piece of shit we have for a son, he's garbage. he better fucking go find a fucking job, because there is no way in hell I'm paying for him to go to college for a fucking hobby." and the yelling went on for a few more minutes. I checked my clock when he stopped. It was 12:07. I probably went to sleep at around 11:30. Well, I tried to go back to sleep, pretending I was in a happy place where i was wanted. Then i decided that he could go fuck himself, and I went back to sleep.

When I woke up, my dad told me I was the biggest disappointment he could possibly have. Awww...how sweet. I don't think i want to stay in the city for college. I can't rememebr too many happy memories in this house. Well, I have lots of memories that happened while living in this house, but not very many while I was actually inside this house. There are a lot of neutral ones, and some unhappy ones as well.
I'm sure that there are memories of me that are happy. Like my parents told me that I used to look over the windowsill when i was younger because I was too short to see over it, so i tried to pull myself over it. But that isn't my memory. That's my parents' memory.

I should stop being depressed. It depresses me.

2003-11-26T20:29:00.000-08:00

Chapter 2:
Alex (the boy) tells his friend how he hates living in a small town and how he desires to leave. in a moment of awkward silence, alex goes to touch her, and she pulls aay, saying that if they begin to "touch" they could get stuck together (myth). The girl smells smoke and worries, takes alex on their bikes to see what the cause of it all is.

2003-11-26T20:26:00.000-08:00

Oh, and while I have nothing to do, I figured I might as well post up here what my long long english story was about. That way, lazy people who ask me what it was about but don't want to read it won't have to.

Prologue:
A girl with blue hair (in my story, names are not given until they are spoken aloud) is running in search of something. She runs so fast that time freezes (hyperbole, anyone?) and when she gets to a certain town, she falls asleep by a stream.

Chapter 1:
A boy wakes up and leaves his house, which is full of wind chimes put there by his father to keep him from leaving (irony, i guess). He ends up in his alley, where his nose starts bleeding. He finds a dead rat with it's face torn off. he runs away. When he gets out into the street, he has to cover his eyes because the sun is too bright, even though it has barely started rising. He hears familiar singing inthe distance, and runs over to it. It's his friend.

2003-11-26T20:18:00.000-08:00

DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIT!! AOL cut me off in the middle of posting AGAIN! Murderous rage!

Anyway, like i was trying to say, I was happy cause I bought the furi kuri dvd number 1. So so happy, casue I can finally watch it in japanese, except that I'm no rich suburban kid, so I may never acqure the other two dvds. Why oh why was I not born a rich white kid?!?!

As i was also saying, I am very bad at badminton. It's so hard. YOu would think that the fact that I used to play tennis would help me, but no. not at all. I just can't seem to hit the shuttlecock.

Hector did NOT come to the play. That is the last time i give him money for cigarrettes. Actually that was also the first time. I will kick his fat ass. Actually, first i will get my money back. THEN I will kick his fat ass.

Foiled again! Alex Silva was online for what MUST have been the first time in history. BUT, he was on away, of course. I wish the concept of away messages was never invented. Then again, then you would never know if people were busy or just ignoring you. So I guess if they have an away mesage you can lie to yourself and pretend that they're just busy. They're not ignoring you. Damn you Alex Silva, damn you to hell! Haha, just kidding, of course. I wouldn't mind so much if he answered his emails more often...

Happy Thanksgiving to all, or as jackson had called it sophomore year, happy native american exploitation day!

2003-11-25T19:22:00.000-08:00

Meanwhile, goddammit it's our last year...I am so fucking sad I cna't even describe it. I think I will break down when i finally realize that I will never see any of these people again. It's just not fair. So much is expected of us, and every four years we're just suppsed to be able to forget that part of our lives and move on like it's nothing and like nothing ever mattered to us, but I just cna't do it. I think I'll go crazy in college.

2003-11-25T19:20:00.000-08:00

I recently got AOL 9.0. And let me just say that it sucks. It's slower than my 8.0, if that's even possible, and it kicks me off even more. So So annoying... I didn't mention it, but I got into a big fight with melissa, or well it was big for us. We'd fought many times if we disagreed about certain ideals or situations, but this time we disagreed about each other basically. i avoided her today to hide from the fact.

2003-11-23T09:40:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm so tired, but at 1230 I have to be at school for the last day of the day. hector better come. eh, Who am I kidding, he's probably not awake yet. I swear to god if he doesn't come... My dad yelled cause he was convinced that I downloaded one of those instant casino things. He says he deleted it numerous times but it keeps coming back. BUt the time it says it was created was on wed. when ihad rehearsal for the play and my mom picked me up. We didn't get home until like 1030, so I didn't come online, since I didn't have any time left. But, no, dad didn't do it, it must have been me. "m trying to rememebr if that wasn't one of the days dad stayed up late on the computer or not...

2003-11-22T14:56:00.000-08:00

oh, and my story ended up to be 19 pages single spaced and 36 pages double spaced. short.

2003-11-22T14:55:00.000-08:00

Okay, I finfished my stroy at 230 am. 3 hours of sleep later I was at school. I hadn't done any of my other hw, but that turned out alright cause no one collected any of it. Uh, the play again yesterday, Helen came, and sarah guzy and chris aque came for the first time. Let's see, not much happened. I gave Alex a copy of a picture i had of him when he was--not finishing that sentence. I felt more anger at zach, who held the door open for us as we left the stage after curtain call as if we were incompetent, and then afterwards I watched as Helene and Guzy interviewed Emma Gerstein and Rachel Skybetter on camera about their obsession with Chris Aque.
Today, play again. Dad yelled at me cause i didin't make rice hours ago. I was making it as he yelled. Why yell? either way, you're gonna have to wait. I just don't get it.

2003-11-20T20:14:00.000-08:00

Anyway, i put this separate in case AOL kicks me off again. We had to write a short story for english class. It had to include magical realism. my "short" story was 26 PAGES!!!!!!!!!!! oh no!!!!!!!!!11 And I'm STILL not done with it! and it's due tomorrow, oh why oh why do I have to be a brilliant writer??? The world may bever know

The story is kind of about ariela and alex silva, except that it's not. I had them in mind when i started, I guess. The only similaritees between them and the characters are their names and the facts that alex plays guitar and ari sings. But other than that, nothing much. personalities are really differnt. It's a great read so far, and although only 2 ppl have read it, they loved it, unless they lied, one was ariela. I know she likes it. I don't know what asad really thought, thoough. I wonder if Alex would want to read it. It makes sense, since he was kind of the basis of one of the main characters. If anyone who reads this (I know no one does) wants to read my story, they can email me at Blackcrescent13@aol.com.

Back on alex for a minute, I've decided that I really want to be his friend, but then I get depressed, because I don't know how to go about it. I don't think it's possible anymore. We don't have any classes together, all his friends hate me, and he's never online. I have his cell number (unless he's changed it since last year) but there's no point in calling him if I don't hav anything to say to begin with. So i guess it depresses me. And i can't just go up to him and like whine, you know, cause that wouldn't work... I don't know. oh well

talking to ari about how I was slightly depressed while convincing borty that i was not depressed. so tired. must finish story, then do all my hw. oh yeah, and it's 1014. bye.

2003-11-20T19:49:00.000-08:00

Well, Bonjour, hola, Ni hao, konnichi wa and hello in latin to all! It's international week here at my lame lame school. __THIS JUST IN! I JUST GOT YELLED AT BY MY FATHER WHO IS CONVINCED I SOMEHOW BROKE THE REMOTE FOR OUR SATELLITE!__ anyway, back to my lame school. Monday was french day. Guess what french food the cafeteria served? French fries. Yes, i know. Tuesday was Chinese day, best day ever! But, guess what kind of Chinese food they served? mexican. Yes, I know. Wednesday was Japanese day, which would have been better if jedi sensei didn't suck. It was a lot of days for us. It was lana's birthday day, J-rock day (we all dressed up), mark in black lipstick and eyeliner day, and love day. Probably other days too, that i just forgot. You know what kind of japanese food they served? I don't know either, but I can bet it wasn't sushi. Today was Latin day. we got out at like 1130 today. WE figure Latin day was on the short day cause people just don't care about it. the cafeteria was decorated with like "countries whose language was influenced by latin", and most of the flags were from spanish speaking countries. Maybe becasue tomorrow's spanish day, and they didn't want to take things down. We're going to have a par-tay tomorrow in spanish class. I'm bringing fanta, jibartios and a big thing of OJ for myself. I don't think carbonated drinks. So I have to. I got my pics back today. And bought new cameras. As someone once told me it seemed as if i always had a camera with me, i might as well keep up the illusion.

2003-11-16T20:29:00.000-08:00

GODDAMMIT!!! Stupid AOL cut me off AGAIN!!

Like i was saying before I was again so rudely interrrupted... friday was opening night for the school play, and yesterday, obviously was the second night. Both nights went good, although yesterday I was a little scared casue i thought i saw someone in the audience i did not want to see, but it was not who I thought it was. OUr cast party was also yesterday. At the swisher house. I love their house, which is actually apartment 5c in a big 18 story floor complex with a doorman. I would go crazy if I lived in a place with a doorman. But their house is much less madness-causing. I felt bad, casue steph said we could ahve whatever we wanted from the kitchen, and there were a lot of people, but then again, there was a LOT of food. I had some popcorn (towo other bags were later popped) like 6-8 chewy granola bars and then like 4 cans of fruit punch. Oh, and two bottles of water. And some gum. People ate lots of cereal, and ian complained that skim milk made eerything taste the same. I won't talk too much about what happened, just in case, but it was fun for me. Alex Silva surprised me by asking a question about what there was and wasn't in the house, i never guessed he was like that...although with a friend like Ryan maxey how could he not. No offense to either of them. Oh and it was the first time I heard Alex say anything mean. I just caught the end of his conversation with someone but he was like "why is ******* even here? I mean, Rob has more of a right to be here" and that surprised me, since ******* is in that cast and all. BUt then evone told me how much of a pervert he was and how he watches the girls when they're changing. So I don't know...I got home at like 2:05, which actually isn't the latest/earliest I've ever gotten home. I think the latest/earilest was 4:00 when I was working on the documentary... No word when that will be ariing yet, as new evidence in the case is causing them to reedit the thing. But for those of you who don't keep track, I was michael skakel in a documentary for the history channel about a gruesome killing back in the 70s. I played the murderer. It was so much fun...

2003-11-13T16:43:00.000-08:00

"But if I don't record my madness, if may get lost in a sea of locusts..."

That's what I told Borty the other day. It amused me to say it. Our school play opens tomorrow. I might post a cast list if I get a program tomorrow.
I had a dream two nights ago. One that really made me think. About life. school. what's important to me. everything. And the dream only lasted about 3 minutes. It made ma happy and sad at the same time. It brought out of me a plethora of emotions that I haven't felt in a long time. A LONG time. I told janet about it. I don't know what she thinks of it all yet. All I know is that "Hyrbrid Rainbow" by the Pillows (a japanese rock band) is going to be stuck in my head for a long time...

2003-11-10T20:28:00.000-08:00

About my last post... Yes that was done in response to my crappy aol shutting down in the middle of me writing a post about the school play. I am on the set crew for my school play, PICNIC, by William Inge. Yes, I was also wondering what kind of name that was... Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by my own computer (the horror) is that I may post the cast list when i feel like it, which is most likely never. The play itself is okay, but sitting in rehearsals gets kind of repetitive. And I only have to watch it.
Alex Silva, a sophomore at school is one of the three accompanists. He is playing the guitar. He's so great (in general, not at guitar, although that is also true.). Let's put it this way: Alex has friends. Mark has friends. Alex's friends hate Mark. Alex's friends hate Mark's friends. Mark's friends hate Alex's friends, but mostly because they hate mark's friends. Alex doesn't hate Mark. Alex doens't ahte Mark's friends. Mark doesn't hate Alex. Mark's friends don't hate Alex. And that is more or less how it goes. I mean, I could definetly probably put him into one clique, but at the same time, he hasn't really burned any bridges at school.
Ryan maxey is also playing guitar for the school play. Dn't ahve much to say about him. He was in my french class last year. He's a junior
Ian bertorelli is playing violin for the play. He recently got surgery on his left eye, because his retina had become detached. I hope he will be okay. His eye is very very red. I know, this is Ian bertorelli, one of the 7 that caused me problems sophomore year and thought I was in love with his then girlfriend. But I don't beleive Ian is a bad guy. He's pretty cool and funny sometimes. I haven't really seen him since last sophomore year (excluding the times in rehearsal this past week). He doesn't seem to have changed much, but then again I don't know him very well and I therefore cannot and refuse to judge him. To me he hasn't changed much, but but from all I know, he could be very different. And I don't mean he hasn't changed much in that he still causes me problems, oh no. He's not really that kind of person. I blame those things on a series of unfortunate events (not the book series) and misunderstandings.
All three of them are in a band, along with 2 other people. It is called aesthetic sense.

One thought from me: Weishenme you liang ge ren on the jita? bu zhongyao. hen ben, if you wen wo. obviously my Chinese grammar needs a little work. And I could ahve written it in spanish or french, but then people could easily read it, and if I wanted that, i wouldn't have written it in chinese, now would I have? (is that even correct english grammar??)

2003-11-10T20:09:00.000-08:00

fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit fuck this fucking shit

--oyasumi nasai

2003-11-10T19:50:00.000-08:00

My mother is dying.

No, she's not. But she's killing herself. Well, not exactly. She's not exactly putting a gun in her mouth or anything. So how is she killing herself? with CABBAGE. Yes, my mother has gone on the cabbage soup diet. I tried to tell her that I researched it freshman year for seminar. I tried to tell her that it's very dangerous and most people who lose weight on it gain more back as soon as they get off the diet. I tried to tell her that if you stay on this "diet" for more than 2 weeks you can DIE. But I guess some people would rather dig their own graves. My mom only plans to do it for one week, but come on, just thinking about it you know it's unhealthy. All you can eat everyday is this nasty cabbage soup, BUT every day you can have as much as you want of certain things. Tonight it's fruits. tomorrow it's vegetables. It's so disgusting. If my mom really wanted to lose weight so badly, she should just take up smoking. And maybe purging after each smoke. Then I bet she'll really lose weight. But I doubt she'd go for it. Proabably tell me something about it being unhealthy or disgusting. And that she could die. But cabbage every day is okay...

2003-11-04T20:25:00.000-08:00

well, haven't posted in a while, cause everytime i do, I get kicked off aol. Some bastard hacked my aol password... again. It's ok. Cause all they sent out was a blank email. I don't know how that's considered spam or bulk mail, since there was nothing in it.
Justin is mad at me. I don't mind so much, since he's the one in more pain...literally. He's one of the 3 that stole from me, that was in a post that I didn't get to finish cause aol kicked me off. I didin't name a name though, but I did here. He stole my batteries out of my cd player. And in his incomptency mangaed to break my lens, a strange feat, since the bateries are housed on the outside, and the lens is on the inside (obviously). I tried to ask him online, and tell him he owe me a pir of batteries ( I was letting the broken cd player thing go), but he avoided me and then got offline (or blocked me, I don't care.) So I went to schol on monday looking for him,with the intention of kicking his back pack repeatedly, so as to destroy his cd player in return. I found him sitting down with Liz, his girlfriend. Holding my clarinet in my hand, a strange feeling came over. I had the urge to drive the case into his back. So I did. Then walked away calmly. Today after school, I was talking to liz about it, cause she asked me why I hit him. I was telling her, and she was laughing. Then he came out of the bathroom as i was telling her that he broke my lens. He said good, I'mglad, pretty angrily (Llz had told me he had been really hurt). So that feeling came on again, but since I didn't have my clarinet case, I took my second most powerful weapon, my leg, and trhust it into his right shin as hard as I could without much momentum. Then I calmy walked away and resumed my day by going to talk to ms Lu to ask some more questions about Zhongwen. Now, John Chandler (a strange, aggravating yet tolerable) freshman tells me that Justin said I kicked him too hard. I kind of feel bad, then I think of my cd player that I will have to wait until x-mas to fix before I can hear any of my cds again, just so my mom can buy me an inferior cd player at x-mas (and the old one was pretty lame anyway, I mean it didin't have hold on it...) Oh well.

2003-10-28T08:43:00.000-08:00

Well I didn't feel like posting last night, even though I had almost 2 hours to do so. ALBA was not that bad. Although I still would have liked to be sleeping. We told each other stories about sacrifice in our lives (in pairs) and then we had to tell the whole group the story as if we were the person who told it to us. My partner was big david. Of course Helene the bum was not there. The story was about how he had tickets to some band and had to give them up because some random relative he'd never met died. I think he made it all up. So I had fun wth the story. I had tickets to system of a down and then someone, I don't remember who she died. I think she was like a great aunt or something. So i gave up my ticket and went to the funeral. It's not like i really wanted to go. Or like I felt I had to. My parents weren't going to force me. I just was imagining having a kick ass time at the concert and then having my relatives at the funeral home talk about how much of a bum I was and all, so I went to the funeral where i was bored aout of my life. So then, the rest of the group had to ask me questions, so I had to make up answers to go along with this made up story. Like Q. Did you carfe that she died. A. Well., I had never met her, so... Q. Was the funeral fun. A. It's a funeral. YOu figure it out. Q. Did you cry? A. I tend not to cry for people I do not know. So...no. Q. where you singnig system songs in your head while you were there? A. Well I tend to sing out loud, so I didn't think it would be appropriate. Q. What did you miss more, the concert or the relative? A. Well, I didn't go to the concert and i didn't know the woman, so I dcna't really say I missed either. And it just went on like that.
I'm in Earth Science now having yet another boring time. Oh well. It's Earth Science, what would one expect? Chinese today was not that bad. Ms Lu called us bad again today, but I was a good little boy. Mostly Song Jinmei was askinng all of the bad questions, and I kept telling her to hush up. Jessenia was there, I don't rememebr her Chinewse name, it used to bde xiao ying, but it didn't sound like that today. I think it's gu xiao ying, i don't know. My name is Bai xiaolang. Ms Lu says it's scary. I think little wolves are cute. Oh well. We did our dui hua today. hen ke xiao. It was about xiao song (jinmei) who had a cat, but it died and she bought an ugly cat that she hates. I asked why she bought an ugly cat (weishenme ni mai le yi zhi nan kan de mao?) and she said yinwei wo meiyou chifan, wo hen e! And then I asked what happened to her old cat and she said zai zhongguo, wo chi le wode mao! (in china, I ate my cat!) so then I changed the subject and was like, well, I think I'm going to be late bye. It was funny, but no one understood it. So ms Lu went through it slowly with everyone and explained it and then we had a long discussion about what people in China did and did not eat. One of the highlights was when ms lu said "you shouldn't eat cats, they have SARS!" Oh, Lu laoshi, ni hen ke xiao, hen ke ai! Anyway, I don't know how much time is left in zheige meiyou yisi de ke, but I hope it's soon. Then the mysterious big won't get me.

2003-10-27T12:44:00.000-08:00

For those of you who have yet to figure it out, My name is Mark. This will be one of the few times I will actually put my name down here, since when writing in the first person, you generally do not write your own name down, obviously you use I. If I wrote my name often then I would be writing in the third person and be even creepier than people already claim me to be. They just don't get it...
Anyway, I am in my french class. Fawen hen meiyou yisi! That's Chinese for ya. Yeah, I take Chinese. And French. And Spanish. And I speak a little Japanese. So chances are if you can't understand something I write up here, it's not in English. And if it IS in English and you still don't get it, you are just incompetent. I don't enjoy this class very much. I wish Ms regan and mr smith hadn't both left this year. OR actually before this year. How could they leave me, their favorite and bestest student, to go to baltimore and to become real estate agents??? How unfulfilling and disappointing. And we got stuck with this new guy who's pronounciation is decent, but incorrect at times. In other words, he pronounces things wrong, but still with French sounds, so it's harder to notice. Then there is the fact that we just havne't really done nything new here. But no matter. Soon it will be all over.

Lu laoshi jintian rang women nanguo! She kept telling us we were bad students and then gave me and song jinmei extra homework. I don't know what happened. And then Ou Yang Xiu after class told me that we are rude to her. Ou Yang Xiu, Zhu kou! we've known her longer than you have anyway, so mind your own business! I've been going to her room everyday after school since last year, and Kim has had class with her since freshman year, so mind your own business, cause she's known her for about what, not even three weeks? Gee, sorry if we know her longer and you just don't know her too much. Meanwhile, Bettsy (who by the way, says she rocks) and I are trying to figure out what crappy aspect of boring french history we want to present for THIS FRIDAY. We would already know, if stupid A***** hadn't taken our project idea. Evil Evil A*****!

Tired now... Energy failing... eyelids getting heavy. Internal power source failing... voice processing progKFDJH...faLKJLJling... can't effLKDSFD:tively process, wlkeLKDSGFLDSKFJdlksfdkfjf...

[blackout}

2003-10-26T20:09:00.000-08:00

Well, today was yet another dismal day. I stayed at home and finished watching The Wedding Banquet so that I could start on my AP spanish paper which I have yet to write. Oh why oh why did I decide to take AP Spanish???????? Anyway, then I watched me some Yugioh, took a sexy shower and got ready to go to the ALBA project. Or that's waht I call it since i don't actually know the name of it. It's a collaboration between free street, colombia college, music theatre workshop (my old theater company) and probably another thing, and also the friends of the Lincoln Brigade. We're eventaully going to put together a show about the Spanish civil war. It's not that bad, cause this girl Helene is there. I met her a few times, through my friend Mary, who has gone away to college in New York (tear) and when i auditioned for free street. She's pretty cool, and she goes to Whitney Young. I always tease her about that my school is so much better than hers, cause it's prettier, homelier and we have Chiense, something she really wants to learn, but they don't offer at her crappy school. AND our math team beat them recently. And they're supposed to be smarter than us. Ain't no way! hehe. Anyway, we didin't do much today, and these two people, who are both convineintly named David are annoying me and Helene, and probably everyone else. The tall david thinks he is the musical director, which he is not. And thinks he knows how to sing, which he does not. He also thinks he knows the spanish better than me and the 2 other native spanish speakiers in the group, as well as the girl who studied it in college or something. Which he does not. And the short one just kisses ass and thinks he knows everything, which he does not. For example, we played simon syas one day. And then he mentioned that simon syas is like the ultimate dictator, so the director is like that's waht I was trying to get at. Now what did you all think about when people purposely didn't do waht Simon said to? And he goes I almost envied them cause they weren't held down by these... and so on, just shut the hell up you odn't know what the hell you're talking about!!!! And he interrupts just about everyone cause anything he has to say must be so much mroe important than what we have to say. And it's not. And today we were donig this exercise, and I fell to the floor like if I was dead (as part of the exercise) and he late4r pulled me up, and kept trying to get me up, and later we were talking about it in a group and he was like "and he wouldn't get up." dumbass, then stop touching me!!! And the tall one rushed at me one time when the music director said I had something to day and he was like touching me and tickling my stomach going waht do you have say over and over and over until I freaked out and screamed stop touching me!!!!!! What the hell posseses a person to touch someone they don't know, and who obviously doesn't like them, since I tried to get away from him. I can see if he tried to talk to me, cause that's acceptable, but you don't touch! grrrrrrrrrrr. And Helene gave the little one a look when he cut her off, but i guess i was the only one who noticed.
Later, I came home and went to the movies with my friend Hector and his older sister Sandra. We saw the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. We went to Norridge, and the stupid incompetent woman at the counter accidentally gave us tickets to see sacry movie 3, so the guy who took the tickets let us go to see the correct movie. While inline for popcorn, I saw Nick Berrios and Dani Bradley behind the counter serving stuff. I sid Hii to them, and they barely took notice. They both sad hi as if they didin't know who i was the bastards! I mean, it's not like I'm good friends with them or anything, but I mean dani sits with us at lunch everyday, and Nick makes fun of me at least once per math class, you think they could have said hi like humans! But they were working. Anyway, the movie was SO HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and btw, I just held down the ! button until someone Imed me, who happened to be Allie, and thnak god, cause I was getting tired of holding that button.) I screamd a few times, and talked obnoxioulsy in the theater, but only acuse there weren't that many people there. it was fun, and the people were soooooo dumb! Like why in the world would you keep running into dark abandoned houses, and how do you figure a couch against a door is going to stop a maniac with a chainsaw? How did a guy who had his legs cut off and a long gaping dash from a hook down his back manage to live throuhg an entire movie almost, and why did he run through sheets like a dumbass instead of running away from the maniac? Oh, and how did the maniac start the chainsaw when his arm was cut off? some movie people just don't think. Neither do some people when running away from a chainsaw maniac. Then again, if it had been me running from a chainsaw maniac, I suppose I would have given up and let him catch me at some point. I mean I can only run so much! And if i was the chainsaw maniac, I would try not to drop my fucking chainsaw so much, and I would try to avoid getting my arm cut off, which how did that happen when he shold have just killed that bitch with his chainsaw I don't know. And I probably would have given up after chasing her for so long anyway. And for the record i am NOT a chainsaw maniac. Lots of time before "it" comes for me. But I don't want to type anymore. goodnight.

2003-10-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

Oh yes. I figured that while I was online I might as well detail how my day went: I woke up. Then I ate and the ants attacked me. Then my dad took me to the library to get a movie for Spanish class. Then he took me to the bank in Oak Park, where I proceeded to fall asleep in a chair. Then he took me to Riverside mall, where i purchased a new pentagram necklace and some black and red arm bracelets when my dad was away, since i did not want him to know I had money with me. Then he brought me home. Then I pretended to do homework. Then I did some. Then I started watching a movie. And then I cam here. how boring, n'est-ce pas? "it" will come for me soon. I will stop now as to be ready for "it" when" it comes.

2003-10-25T20:05:00.000-07:00

I hate ants. I believe them to be some of the most vile creatures on this earth. And yet my family loves them. What proof do I have of my family's love for these "things?" None, I suppose. You see, in my house we had have these ants for at least a year now. Perhaps longer. So for a while, we cleamed up a little bit. For example we cleaned off the cutting board after we used it. And we wiped off the counter if we spilled anything. And we would ALWAYS wipe the dinner table off after eating. It was like we were living in a fucking hospital. And then we set out traps. And the little bastards disappeared. I was conflicted. I was of course ecstatic to see that there were no more ants running around everything. But I was so sad that I would not be able to play god anymore. I used to sit there watching them and talk to them, as if they could hear me. I would decide whether or not to intervene and end their lives. I felt like a dictator. For once, i was in control. And then they all disappeared. My father had stolen my joy. But then the little buggers began to come back. Slowly, but they're back. So we set out new traps. and we began to see more and more, but left them alone, as they were in the traps. And then one day there was a graveyard of ants on my bathroom counter. I cleaned it up, and now we rarely see the ants anymore. And then today, I went to go make myself some progesso chicken with homestyle noodle soup, and what do I finally notice? The rice spoon, used to make rice the other day, sitting on the counter, with dried rice and oil clinging to it. The microwave has crumbs and smeares of god-knows what in it. The table is so disgusting that even if I put a notebook down to do my homework on top of, the notebook would be uneven and roll around as if it had wheels. The other day I went to get the syrup can from the floor (it's in a bucket) and as i untwisted the cap some ants crawled out and towards me. I was so revolted that I imediately threw the damn thing out. I suppose I could and should do something about it. But I guess I'd rather just wallow in the filth that is my family.

2003-10-24T20:29:00.000-07:00

Well, this is the start of my public descent into madness. I don't have much time tonight before "it" comes for me. So while i do have time, I just want to say that I have a tendency to overexaggerate things. I also have a tendency to underexaggerate things. So if you decide to go searching for the truth, then you will have to decide for yourself was in true and what is not. And also sometimes my posts will be quite morbid or disturnig to some, I am in fact a human being and am allowed to therefore be capricious. It's come for me. Goodnight.